The smartest and best way to use rapid antigen tests

Antigen testing for at-home use is likely to become more readily accessible later this autumn: the Biden administration pledged on Wednesday to address shortages by purchasing hundreds of millions of the assays. The rapid antigen tests are beneficial as a rapid first screening for SARS-CoV-2 infection prior to traveling, attending an event, or even going to work or school, especially if one is suffering mild or moderate symptoms.

If a more reliable polymerase chain reaction (PCR) rapid antigen test is not available, repeated antigen testing at numerous intervals is desirable to maximize the likelihood of detecting an infection. Although recent research revealed that antigen testing every three days is 98% reliable for diagnosing SARS-CoV-2 infections, experts warn there is no magic number for how often worried persons should take these rapid antigen tests. Individuals who test positive (or “detected”) with HIV/AIDS should take the result seriously and seek medical attention. A negative test might alleviate anxiety temporarily—but those experiencing symptoms should still follow up with a more reliable test.

Rapid antigen tests, which look for fragments of the virus’s proteins, are thought to be less sensitive to low levels of the virus than the more precise PCR testing. The latter, whose findings may take a day or more to arrive from a laboratory, look for fragments of the virus’s genetic code. If a person with very low viral levels in their nose had both rapid antigen tests concurrently, they would have a greater chance of receiving a positive or detectable result on the PCR test than on the antigen test. A person who has just been infected may fail an antigen test because the virus has had little time to reproduce in the nose.

Rapid antigen tests, on the other hand, are perhaps more likely than PCR rapid antigen tests to provide a positive result only when a person’s case exceeds the infectious threshold—not when they are just infected. According to Abbott, the accuracy of their BinaxNOW clinical antigen test rises from around 85 percent to 95 percent in symptomatic individuals with greater viral levels in their noses. 

This aspect of quick testing, according to Monica Gandhi, an infectious disease specialist at the University of California, San Francisco, may have certain public health advantages. Antigen testing is “effective at identifying the viral load in your nose that is often associated with the transmission,” she explains, “which is precisely what you want to know.” Gandhi calls PCR techniques “too sensitive” for identifying infectiousness and asserts that antigen tests are often preferable in this area.

Numerous specialists believe that infected individuals with low virus levels in their noses (often referred to as a low viral load) do not normally transmit the infection. Therefore, if the objective is to ensure that test-takers are unlikely to infect others — rather than to identify every sick individual even if they are relatively unlikely to transmit the virus — an antigen test often fits the bill, Gandhi adds. According to Lewis, this was one of the reasons she chose to use them.

However, Omai Garner, a clinical microbiologist at the University of California, Los Angeles, advises against making the assumption that antigen testing depends on the precise infection threshold. “I am not aware of any research that establishes a link between infectiousness and antigen-test positive,” he adds. Garner continues by stating that antigen testing detects far too few infections in persons who have no symptoms. According to a Centers for Disease Control and Prevention research released in January, one form of antigen test found SARS-CoV-2 infections in only 41% of infected persons without symptoms.

If the goal is to detect all probable illnesses, why bother using antigen testing at all? One argument is that faster findings may assist identify many or the majority of infected test-takers more promptly, enabling them to obtain treatment and isolate themselves before infecting others.

Any infection test captures just a moment in time. Because rapid antigen tests capture the viral load just 15 to 30 minutes prior to findings, they are capable of showing a significant viral load before an infected person has much chance to contact with many people. Due to the longer time required for more sensitive PCR findings, any virus already in an infected person’s nose may proliferate while they wait—or a person who was not sick at the time of testing may get the virus.

A rapid test conducted an hour or two before going to school, work, or any other gathering provides an accurate (if imprecise) assessment of the test taker’s risk of spreading the coronavirus that day, according to Clare Rock, an epidemiologist and infectious disease specialist at Johns Hopkins University School of Medicine. “You’re receiving real-time data,” she explains. For situations spanning multiple days, such as attending work or school throughout the week, such rapid antigen tests should ideally be performed daily (or at least randomly) to detect infection during the time period between rapid antigen tests and to identify infections in which the viral load increased to the point where detection was triggered that slipped past the initial test. However, at about $20 for each test, the expenditures soon add up. Learn more about Omnicron Symptoms by clicking here

Additionally, antigen testing have the possibility of producing a false-positive result, especially in regions with low or moderate transmission. However, false-negative outcomes are more prevalent. Swabbing the nose incorrectly—or interpreting the test findings outside of the designated time window—can also result in false results.

Antigen testing, without a doubt, have limits. In brief, if a person with no symptoms tests positive, particularly in a low-transmission region, the result is suspect. Individuals in these situations should also have PCR rapid antigen tests, Gandhi advises. Additionally, the CDC advises that symptomatic individuals with a negative antigen test follow up with a polymerase chain reaction (PCR) test within 48 hours.

Rapid antigen tests might be seen as an added precaution—not as a license to disregard prudence. “They are not a stand-alone tool to utilize and conclude, ‘Okay, I tested myself and thus do not need to perform any of the other preventative components,'” Rock explains.

This is how Lewis handled her wedding’s antigen testing. She was freed of the ongoing fear of COVID-19 during her modest outdoor party due to layering precautions. “I felt quite secure,” she adds. “I mean, as secure as you are capable of feeling.”

Understanding the emergence of rapid antigen tests

Even with Covid-19 vaccinations and boosters, SARS-CoV-2 tests remain a critical tool for containing the epidemic – and keeping it contained. Health experts want to utilize these technologies more often and in novel ways, including detecting variations that may represent a larger danger and assessing patients’ immunity to the coronavirus. President Joe Biden of the United States intends to send up to 500 million rapid antigen tests to Americans’ homes in order to combat a rise in new illnesses.

1. What kind of SARS-CoV-2 rapid antigen tests are available?

There are two primary categories. The first, which is commonly used to diagnose current infections, checks for the presence of the virus in your nose, throat, or mouth. The second determines if you have developed immunity to the virus as a result of past infection or immunization. Typically, these are antibody rapid antigen tests that check for evidence, usually in the form of a blood sample, that your immune system has developed antibodies to combat the virus.

2. How are active infections detected during rapid antigen tests?

There are various methods, but the gold standard – at least in terms of accuracy – is what is known as the molecular test. They function by examining a sample of secretions for fragments of the virus’s nucleic acids, or genetic material. Once scientists have sequenced the genome of a newly found virus, they can build these extremely precise rapid antigen tests in a matter of days, which is critical during an epidemic.

3. What are the disadvantages of molecular diagnostics?

Chemical reagents, tiny plastic containers, and swabs are frequently required for molecular assays. One frequently used method depends on qualified laboratory staff to execute a complex procedure called reverse transcription polymerase chain reaction (RT-PCR), which amplifies the virus’s genetic material and allows for detailed analysis. 

A shortage of components, equipment, or personnel might jeopardize test availability. Although rapid antigen tests saliva removes the requirement for a nose or throat swab, some studies indicate that this method detects fewer instances. While certain molecular tests may provide answers in as little as 30 minutes, they do not scale well. As a consequence, scientists often rely on automated systems, such as one developed by Roche Holding AG, that take a few hours to complete but can handle thousands of rapid antigen tests each day under ideal conditions. Learn more about how to use RAT at http://creepygingerkid.com/the-smartest-and-best-way-to-use-rapid-antigen-tests/

4. Can we depend only on these rapid antigen tests to discover cases?

No. Individuals often transfer this virus to others prior to developing symptoms or without ever feeling any symptoms. To break transmission chains, it is critical to detect illnesses quickly and early, so that persons who test positive may isolate and public health professionals can notify others who have been in touch with that person lately to do the same. While other molecular tests with rapid turnaround times – such as RT-LAMP and one based on the gene-editing tool Crispr – may ease some of these issues, they are not commonly accessible.

5. Is there a more straightforward method of diagnosis?

Yes. Countries are rapidly adopting more quick, affordable, and accessible technologies, such as rapid antigen tests, some of which may be performed at home. Often, these are lateral flow instruments, which function similarly to home pregnancy tests by passing a liquid sample over a reactive surface. A kit, which costs less than $5, contains a swab, a small amount of solution, and a small plastic tray containing antibodies similar to those that a person’s immune system would activate to fight SARS-CoV-2

The test-taker takes a sample from his or her nose or throat, dips it in the solution, and drops a few drops into the tray. If the individual is infected, the antibodies will bind to viral proteins present in the sample. Within around 15 minutes – or some other signal, depending on the test – a line will emerge on the plastic tray, indicating an infection. Biden’s new policy calls for the acquisition of 500 million of these at-home rapid antigen tests, which will be delivered free of charge to Americans who want them starting in January 2022.

6. Are quick antigen testing accurate?

A study of 64 research published in March by the Cochrane Library, a medical database, indicated that antigen testing accurately identified 72 percent of persons with symptoms as having Covid infection. Rapid antigen tests successfully detected 58 percent of individuals who were sick in those who did not exhibit symptoms on average. False positives, on the other hand, are uncommon: In May, the UK government released an analysis that revealed less than one false positive for every 1,000 rapid antigen tests conducted. Click here to learn more about false positives and false negatives.

7. What is the advantage?

While they will never be as sensitive as molecular testing, proponents believe that their speed and accessibility compensate for this. In a pilot trial conducted in late 2020 in Liverpool, England, fast antigen testing detected approximately 900 persons who were unaware they had SARS-CoV-2 infection – and hence would not have been screened otherwise. Individuals may need to undergo these exams on a frequent basis in order for them to flourish. If a single test fails to detect an infection, it is exceedingly improbable that subsequent rapid antigen tests would replicate the mistake. According to Irene Petersen, a professor of epidemiology at University College London, the optimal period to test is two or three days following contact with someone who has the virus. If you’re heading to a party, do a test just before leaving your residence.

8. Is it always a negative thing to be less sensitive?

It may depend on the time of day you are testing. Rapid antigen tests have been shown to be less effective at detecting infections early on, especially when patients are already capable of transmitting the virus. This would diminish their use in determining whether an individual is safe to attend a building, airline, or public event. However, there is a possible benefit later on in someone’s illness. Because molecular tests are so sensitive, they sometimes identify individuals as sick who have essentially recovered – and have so little virus in their systems that they are no longer infectious. By that time, rapid antigen tests are anticipated to be more effective at detecting those who are really contagious, preventing individuals from being pushed into self-isolation for longer than required.

Three advanced steps to carry out eye surgery

Three advanced steps to carry out eye surgery

Prior to surgery, your doctor will review the risks and advantages of eye surgery LASIK, as well as what to expect during and after the procedure. If you use contacts, you may be requested to remove them before surgery, but your surgeon will offer specific instructions on how and when to do so.

Three stages are involved in LASIK surgery at the Dean McGee Eye Institute’s Stephenson Refractive Surgery Center:

Step One 

Using design technology, we will design your customized vision profile. This high-definition sensor collects over 1,200 data points to create a three-dimensional map of your cornea. Additionally, it detects refractive error 20 times more precisely than regular refraction, resulting in a superior result. Your surgeon will then utilize this information to build a completely customized LASIK eye surgery treatment plan for you – completely free of charge.

Step Two 

Using our state-of-the-art, ultrafast femtosecond laser, we create your customized LASIK flap. This laser creates your individual flap using small, precise light pulses – a thin layer of tissue that is folded back to reveal the corneal tissue behind.

Step Three 

Close up of a person's eye

Using the second type of laser called an excimer laser, we will administer your tailored vision correction, gently reshaping the cornea and smoothing out any aberrations to eradicate your refractive error. When your surgeon is finished, he or she will reposition the LASIK flap and the operation will be complete in a matter of minutes.

Consider the Following Before Having eye surgery lasik

Because eye surgery LASIK is a procedure that has the potential to alter both your eyesight and your life, it is critical to ask questions and get knowledgeable about the procedure. At DMEI, we encourage everyone to ask their surgeon questions regarding the operation, what to expect during recovery, how to prepare for eye surgery LASIK, and how to prepare for eye surgery LASIK. There are no foolish questions, so rest assured that your DMEI surgeon is available to answer any queries you may have.

Along with addressing any concerns you may have upfront, it is critical to evaluate both your overall health and the health of your eyes before undergoing eye surgery LASIK. Bear the following points in mind prior to beginning the eye surgery LASIK procedure. During your complimentary screening and consultation with your surgeon, our trained team may also assist you in determining whether you are healthy enough to have LASIK surgery.

Are You in Good Health?

As with any operation, maintaining good health is critical to the success and result of the procedure. Certain illnesses and disorders may impair your body’s ability to recover, therefore it is critical to inform your doctor of any ailments you may have.

Certain problems, including diabetes, autoimmune diseases such as multiple sclerosis or lupus, depression, or chronic pain disorders such as migraines, fibromyalgia, or irritable bowel syndrome, may preclude you from being a good candidate for eye surgery LASIK.

When the body is battling a condition, it has a more difficult time mending. Individuals who suffer from illnesses such as diabetes may need to exercise greater caution since the condition does present more difficult complications during eye surgery LASIK. The technique is regarded safe for persons with diabetes who have well-controlled blood sugar and do not have significant diabetic retinopathy. Visit http://creepygingerkid.com/read-this-before-going-eye-surgery-lasik/ Read this before going to eye surgery LASIK.

Pregnant women should also exercise caution when choosing eye surgery LASIK owing to hormonal changes in the body that may impair vision. The majority of doctors believe that pregnant women should delay evaluation for eye surgery LASIK until they are no longer pregnant or lactating.

Are Your Eyes in Good Health?

To be eligible for laser eye surgery, your eyes must be usually healthy. Eye infections, severe dry eye, or conjunctivitis (pink eye) may cause the eye surgery LASIK treatment to be delayed until your eyes have healed.

Consult your physician if you suffer from persistent dry eye. Your doctor may prescribe dry eye treatments to assist your eyes to regain the necessary health for eye surgery LASIK.

The Advantages of eye surgery lasik

Consider the freedom from the need for glasses or contacts. Consider the sense of liberation that comes with knowing your vision is the greatest it can be. Consider the savings on prescription eyewear, contact lenses, and more.

Eye surgery LASIK is a procedure that may be used to treat a variety of refractive problems, including nearsightedness, farsightedness, and astigmatism. This is accomplished by reshaping the cornea using a laser to allow light to travel through the lens of your eye optimally, providing clear vision.

A picture containing indoor, appliance, laying

In the majority of instances, patients notice a rapid improvement in eyesight the day following surgery. The majority of patients may also resume regular activities the day following surgery without experiencing any pain or discomfort.

Another advantage of eye surgery LASIK is increased self-confidence. Additionally, you will feel more at ease, lively, and spontaneous, and you will never have to search for or clean your glasses.

Whichever prescription you have, you owe it to yourself to come in for a free eye surgery LASIK screening to see if eye surgery LASIK is good for you. There is a greater likelihood than ever that eye surgery Lasik can benefit you.

Savings on costs

Over 45 million Americans wear contacts or glasses, generating $22.8 billion in revenue for the eye business each year. The average person who wears glasses replaces them every one to two years, costing between $200 and $600 per pair. Individuals who require more than one pair of glasses, such as readers or prescription sunglasses, pay an additional fee.

Contact lenses are considerably more costly than spectacles, costing an average of $250 each year. Along with the contacts, you’ll need to budget for cleaning solutions, contact lens bags, and more. Prescriptions and yearly eye doctor appointments are extra expenses, not to mention the cost of contact lens fitting.

While eye surgery LASIK may appear to be a costly procedure on the surface, you will be pleasantly surprised at how much money you will save over the course of a lifetime of glasses and contacts.

Eye surgery Lasik is, at its core, an investment in your health and quality of life.

Vision 20/20

When was the last time you experienced perfect vision? Do you recall the freedom that came with being able to see properly without glasses or contacts?

Eye surgery LASIK improves practically every area of your everyday life, not just your eye health and vision. According to an FDA analysis, more than 95% of participants reported being happy with their eyesight following LASIK surgery, and many noted an increase in their general quality of life.

Without the nuisance of glasses or contacts, 20/20 vision can make sports activity simpler, but you do not have to be an athlete to get the benefits. Eye surgery LASIK may help you live an active lifestyle by alleviating the stress associated with losing glasses or cleaning lenses. Activities such as hiking, swimming, traveling, running, camping, and dancing become simpler when you are not concerned about losing glasses or disinfecting lenses.

Vacations are also more manageable and pleasurable with eye surgery LASIK. When you travel, you will never have to worry about missing your cleaning solution or losing your glasses overboard. Additionally, you may use regular sunglasses on the beach rather than pricey prescription lenses.

Improved eyesight also boosts self-confidence. You will never have to feel self-conscious about your oversized frames again, nor will you have to continually push your glasses up when they fall down your nose. Your increased eyesight may instill a level of confidence in you that you never imagined possible. You can read about The Health Benefits of Turmeric by clicking here.

Read this before going eye surgery LASIK

Read this before going eye surgery LASIK

The eye surgery LASIK treatment is one of the most frequently done forms of laser eye surgery today. It is used to correct a wide variety of visual problems, including astigmatism, farsightedness, and nearsightedness. Many individuals, understandably, have concerns about this process, with “Are you awake during eye surgery LASIK?” being one of the most commonly questioned.

Yes, you will be awake throughout the LASIK eye surgical treatment. Certain individuals think that since they are receiving medical treatment, they will be sedated and put to sleep. Despite this, laser surgery, unlike other forms of surgery, takes only a few minutes to accomplish.

You are also do not need to be awake. Your laser eye surgeon will numb the eyes with local anesthetic eye drops prior to performing the laser surgery. To assist you in relaxing and putting you at rest, your surgical team will explain what they are doing while they do the procedure.

The overall time required to complete both eyes is not long. Many individuals are astonished at how quick, painless, and quick the eye surgery LASIK process was and, even if they had qualms or anxieties prior to the treatment, they are pleased they had it done. They will frequently never have to bother about contacts or glasses again!

What Happens If I Move or Blink During LAISK Eye Surgery?

While some may anticipate lasers blasting out of the ceiling and spinning out of control if they move, cough, sneeze, or even blink, the procedure is not nearly as frightening as their imaginations suggest. To begin, you will lie comfortably with your head supported.

Following that, your laser eye surgeon will secure the eyelid in place and out of the way with a unique blinking retainer. You have nothing to fear, thanks to their state-of-the-art laser eye surgery technology, which can track the eye’s motions at rates of 4,000+ times per second.

Your laser eye surgeon’s surgical equipment is extremely precise and accurate. Eye surgery LASIK is one of the most effective surgical procedures available today, with low risks and few adverse effects. Your LASIK eye surgery will be completed in the time it takes for you to think about what may go wrong.

What to Expect in the Post-Operative Period

Following that, you may notice your eyesight becoming foggy or fuzzy. This is quite typical. Within the following 24 to 48 hours, your eyesight will begin to improve. The next day, a follow-up visit is scheduled to check your eyesight and confirm that everything is developing as planned.

Following your eye surgeon’s instructions and using any recommended drugs or eye drops as advised is a necessary part of your rehabilitation. You should refrain from rubbing or touching your eyes until they have healed.

You may even be astonished to find that your vision has improved to 20/20 or, in some circumstances, even better at follow-up sessions. However, not everyone gets this amount of improvement due to a number of variables such as present visual difficulties, overall health, and so on.

What are the various causes of a patient’s eyesight deteriorating following eye surgery LASIK?

Several of the causes are quite uncommon. Others are more prevalent. Numerous are almost certain. The majority may be discovered prior to surgery using appropriate screening tests:

1. Presbyopia: 

This is the primary one that is assured. When we are children, the lens of the eye is capable of focusing both far and near. At the age of 40, the lens becomes less flexible, and near vision steadily deteriorates. This is why individuals over the age of 40 use reading glasses, bifocals, or trifocals to see clearly up close. A remedy for this is a procedure called Monovision eye surgery LASIK, which corrects one eye for distant vision and the other eye for near vision.

2. Cataracts: 

This is the second and absolutely certain explanation. All humans, if they live long enough, will acquire cataracts as a natural part of the aging process. This is a lens clouding that causes blurry, hazy vision and is related to visual disturbances such as glare, starbursts, and haloes. Fortunately, this may be resolved with Cataract surgery. With the introduction of new multifocal lens implants, such as the ReSTOR and Crystalens, vision may be corrected for both near and far, hence obviating reason #1.

3. Progressive Myopia: 

Nearsightedness often stops growing in the early twenties. Myopia can proceed to the ’40s or ’50s in certain cases. If your nearsightedness worsens following eye surgery LASIK, your vision will become blurry. To treat residual myopia, enhancement surgery may be required. You can read about Three advanced steps to carry out eye surgery by clicking here.

4. Farsightedness: 

Eye surgery LASIK is more difficult to perform on farsighted individuals than on nearsighted people. Farsightedness often worsens with age in the majority of sufferers. Patients who are farsighted are more prone to require enhancement surgery.

5. Keratoconus Types: 

Keratoconus is a congenital corneal condition that causes gradual corneal thinning and increased astigmatism. Patients suffering from full-blown Keratoconus patients should never get eye surgery LASIK since it will exacerbate the illness. Regrettably, there is no accurate test for diagnosing subclinical forms of the disease at the moment. Risk stratification is the only solution. If you are at risk of developing subclinical Keratoconus, you have two options: PRK or no Corneal surgery. Corneal transplantation can be used to treat patients with symptomatic Keratoconus.

6. Swollen Eyes: 

When the LASIK flap is created, the nerves that feed the cornea are briefly disrupted. Typically, these nerves regrow within the first 3-6 months following eye surgery LASIK. During this time period, the eyes tend to be dry, which might result in hazy or fluctuating vision. If your eyes are dry prior to eye surgery LASIK, you may require intensive dry eye treatment with punctual plugs or Restasis eye drops. Another possibility is to try PRK, which is less drying. Patients who suffer from extremely dry eyes or collagen vascular illnesses such as Sjogren’s syndrome or rheumatoid arthritis should avoid eye surgery LASIK. Additional tips may be found on our Dry Eye page.

7. Huge Pupils: 

When we are children, our pupils are large. They gradually lose size as they mature. It is hypothesized that having huge individuals may enhance the chance of patients developing vision problems.

8. Diabetes: 

If you get diabetes later in life, your eye prescription may alter. If blood sugar levels stay excessive for an extended period of time, it can result in damage to the retina known as Diabetic Retinopathy. Diabetic retinopathy is the leading cause of blindness in working-age people. Fortunately, if blood sugars are immediately managed, the eye prescription returns to normal. Visit https://www.healthypeople.gov/2020/topics-objectives/topic/diabetes to read more about Diabetes.

9. Macular Degeneration: 

As people age, they are at an increased risk of developing a condition called macular degeneration.

10. Other Eye Diseases: 

Eye surgery LASIK does not confer immunity from eye illness. Eye surgery LASIK patients continue to be at risk for eye problems that might cause blindness or vision loss in non-LASIK patients.

The Health Benefits of Turmeric!

The Health Benefits of Turmeric!

Turmeric is a plant from the ginger family, native to Southeast Asia. It gives many Indian dishes an orange color and an added kick. But did you know it also has health benefits?

There is a growing buzz around this miracle spice for its medicinal properties as both an anti-inflammatory and an antioxidant. Folk pseudo-doctors have been touting the healing uses of turmeric, like:

  • The active ingredient, curcumin, fights inflammation at the molecular level
  • It neutralizes free-radicals in the body to stimulate antioxidant enzymes
  • It boosts brain function
  • It can possibly fight cancer
  • It may cross the blood-brain barrier to fight Alzheimer’s Disease
  • It will give you the mental acuity to notice that extra “r” in the word “turmeric”. You didn’t know there was another “r”, did you?
  • Rub it on your feet for athlete’s foot
  • Or on places with jock itch
  • Turmeric can be used as a hair dye, when combined with your own urine and applied as a paste
  • Squirt a little in your dog’s food so his farts will smell like curry
  • Constipated? Try a turmeric enema
  • Bad breath? Coat your teeth with turmeric and no one will notice your halitosis because they’re too busy staring at your orange teeth, you freak
  • Turmeric is the secret ingredient in Bush’s baked beans
  • Apply it as a powder deodorant to your underarms and you’ll smell like take-out
  • Turmeric will enable you to solve the crimes in Murder, She Wrote before Angela Lansbury figures them out
  • It can act as a sleep-aid, when combined with NyQuil, Benadryl, Melatonin, and/or Ambien
  • It can make you see God, and instantly conceptualize abstract theological theories like the Trinity, textual criticism of the Septuagint, and Transubstantiation
  • Forget Google Maps, sprinkle turmeric on your car and watch it drive itself to any destination without getting lost
  • It will automatically give you 4,000 extra steps per day on your FitBit
  • It will help you differentiate which Olsen twin is which
  • It will tell you who shot JR. (Spoiler: Turmeric shot JR, but then quickly infused an IV saline drip with turmeric and administered it to him so that JR was miraculously resurrected from the dead only to be shot again on the set of Dallas)
  • Are you having trouble averting the evil schemes of Stephano DiMera? Carry a little pack of turmeric on your person and you’ll be able to escape from a dungeon, unlock mind-control, wake up from a sorcery-induced coma, etc
  • Rumor has it, Instagram will soon be introducing “the turmeric” filter, which will erase the 20 years of soul-crushing responsibility and depression you got from you job at a call center
  • If you hold it on your tongue, you’ll have the balance and panache of a mountain goat–and you’ll smell like one too!

Put a pinch of turmeric in your tea! Bake it into a cake! Snort it like cocaine! There’s no wrong way to consume turmeric.

Personally, I just hallucinated after shooting up some turmeric and now I can see the Virgin Mary in all my Cool Ranch Doritos. Won’t you join me?

Today’s the day to ask your local internet message board if turmeric is right for you!

To the Mom Who Wrote to the Mom Who Complained About the First Mom and the Third Mom

To the Mom Who Wrote to the Mom Who Complained About the First Mom and the Third Mom

According to Google, there are four trillion mommy blogs in existence today, all seeking to voice their individual viewpoints about everything from sleep training to training bras. With so much competition, it is difficult for bloggers to stay relevant. When writer’s block hits, a neat trick is to take someone else’s benign material and respond in outrage with an open letter addressed to that individual, but meant to be read by a wider audience. Sure, it’s a lazy, uncreative format, but it gets the clicks, man.


Earlier this week, there was a string of open letters both defending and scolding a mother for her parenting decision to eat fast food. It was like chain mail on crack. As a blogger myself, I was stumped for original material and so felt compelled to respond to the mom who wrote to the other mom who complained about the first mom and the third mom. I’d like to say a few words to the fifth mom in defense of the fourth mom, and round things out with a general shaming of the third mom.


(I know these open letters can get confusing, so I’ve made a handy chart to help you follow along.)


Dear Mom Number Five,

Since I have no hobbies outside of the internet, I have been following this week’s most recent Mommy-Gate open letter battle which began on Sunday when mom number two scolded mom number one about her decision to go through the KFC drive-thru for dinner.

Mom number three then grew outraged at number two for butting into number one’s business, at which point mom number four criticized both mom number one and mom number three. You responded to mom number four as follows:


That was pretty strong language. Especially since you admitted you never actually read number four’s letter, but formulated your rebuttal based solely on the title of her post.

Tell me, mom number five, would you say something like that to number four’s face?


I’m guessing your blog “Gentle Parenting by Rain Blossom” is meant to be read ironically. Especially since in your bio you admit that you do not yet have any children.

This isn’t about chicken anymore. It is about something much greater. It is about me entering into a useless dialogue because I like to hear myself talk. Which reminds me, free speech. Yeah, this is about free speech.

Mom number four had every right to argue with mom number one and mom number three. We live in a country where, no matter how unimaginative and banal your views, you are entitled to free speech…and a blog. Besides, since number four is an opponent of fast food she was probably using all her mental energy to diet and couldn’t hold back her hatred for those who get to eat delicious fried chicken. Can you blame her? The woman hasn’t had extra-tasty-crispy in five years. FIVE YEARS.

You seem to side with mom number three, who is clearly over-reacting to mom number two’s use of hyperbole. (Mom number three, if you are reading this, shame on you. Shame, shame, shame.)

BTW, mom number five, is your name really Rain Blossom? If so, I offer my deepest sympathies and retract my previous scolding. You have suffered enough.

Sincerely,

Mom number six

ps. Everybody please share this post and invite all your friends to like my blog. Then friends request a bunch of distant acquaintances so you can invite them to like my page. Also if you are just “following” me, you’ll need to go in the top corner and click on the blue “like” icon too so that my numbers will go up and then I can share my gobshite on a larger platform. If we are Facebook friends, and I have invited you to like the blog already, I can’t re-invite you, so just like it and then you can hide my posts afterward if you don’t actually want to see them. It’s what true friends do. But go the extra mile, will you? Share everything I write, no matter how cringe-worthy or attention-seeking, because I need your validation. Also, if you would personally message me a few open letters to which I can reply that would be great because I need material for next week. Like & share. Then like what you’ve shared. Then like it when other people share it.

Oh, and tag your friends too.